


he loved her, but he loves you.

by thelayuplesbian



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), wlw author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 21:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14860304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelayuplesbian/pseuds/thelayuplesbian
Summary: Steve loved her. Peggy Carter, she was a dame to remember always fierce and ready to kill but soft when she needed to be and Steve loved her. Bucky loved Steve, since they were kids, even when he couldn't remember his own name he knew he loved someone, that someone always being Steve. He doesn't think Steve could possibly love him because well he loved Peggy. Maybe he's wrong, just maybe.





	he loved her, but he loves you.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 3 am bc I was sad and watched Liza and Davids video abt them breaking up and i needed to prove love is real, thanks have a nice day ALSO IM WORKING ON A DRARRY FIC SO LOOK OUT FOR THAT

_He loved her. He loved her. He loved her. He didn’t love you because he loved her._

Bucky Barnes aka the Winter Soldier sits on a couch in his shared living room with his best-friend Steve. He’s mulling over his feelings, he knew before the war he loved Steve but never dared to say it because it was illegal and Steve wasn’t like that, wasn’t queer like him. Steve loved Margaret “Peggy” Carter, he’d swear it up and down on his mamas grave. He worries a thread on his sweatpants and sighs. 

“What’s wrong Buck?” Steve asks from the kitchen but he doesn’t respond so Steve sits next to him on the couch and puts his arm around his shoulder. “Did you love her?” Bucky whispers and Steve looks confused. “Who?” A tear falls down his cheek and he chuckles wryly. “Peg.” Steve lets out a sigh. “Yeah. Why?” He shakes his head and gets up before Steve catches him crying but he feels a hand grab his wrist and he’s forced to look at him now. “Why?” Steve asks with pleading eyes and he just shakes his head again and pulls out of Steve’s grip. He starts to head to his room but Steve cuts him off and won’t let him push past. “Why?” More stern this time with a finger to his chest. He pushes the finger away and heads to his room again but when he’s closing the door Steve stops it and he sighs before dropping onto his bed and burying his head in his hands. Steve kneels in front of him. “James Buchanan Barnes tell me why you’re asking me this. Please.” He drops his hands into his lap and Steve holds them. 

“I can’t tell you that Stevie.” Barely audible, just a whisper but he knows Steve can hear it. “Yes, you can you just won’t.” He can feel the bitterness in Steve’s voice and body when he leaves and after he closes the door behind him Bucky yells. “Because I love you dumbass!” There’s no sound for a moment until Steve throws his door open again and he doesn’t look at him, again. “You love me?” He feels himself nod slightly and Steve slides down the wall to sit on the floor. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Ignore the tears his brain tells him so he does, he ignores them like he’s ignored his feelings for so long. “Cos it was illegal and you’d never feel the same.” Now Steve chuckles. “And you call me the dumbass.” Bucky looks up at him and scowls. Steve just chuckles again and another tear falls and he buries his head in his hands again. He hears Steve walk over and sit on the bed next to him. “I’ve always loved you Buck.” He shakes his head. “Stop tryin to make me feel better ya punk.” Bucky mumbles and hopes he doesn’t sound too sad. Steve pulls his hands away from his face and wipes away a tear. “ ‘M not. Jus cos I loved Peg doesn’t mean I didn’t love you.” A tentative small smile spreads on his lips. “I’ve loved you since you saved me from that fight with Jack Herrington in the alley near the docks.” 

“Stevie we were twelve then.” Steve chuckles and nods. “I know but that’s when I knew.” The ex assassin groans and throws himself back on the bed. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Steve shrugs. “It was illegal and I never was one for rule breaking.” He scoffs. “Yeah okay Mister. lying on legal documents, stealing a plane, getting into alley fights should i go on?” Steve chuckles. “No I see your point.” There’s a few beats of silence. “Truth be told I was scared you’d never feel the same. It's wrong Stevie, ain't it?" He hears Steve take a sharp breath and feels Steve lay down next to him. "Maybe it is. Frankly I don't really care anymore, maybe God ain't even real, maybe he has it out for us, hell maybe God is a woman I don't see the point in living miserably and without love just because the bible that may or may not even be the word of God says we should." Steve says into the air and another tear slides down his face, he's never heard Steve even come close to saying God might not be real before but he is now and he is for him. "You know there's a whole community for people like us, called the LGBT community. Started a revolution at a bar with trans women at the front lines, place is called Stonewall, there was a riot and that Buck, that was the first pride." He turns to his side and looks at Steve. "Really? 'S okay now?" Steve sighs. "It's more okay than it's ever been, gay marriage was legalized in 2015 but there's still people out there that hate us, call us faggots and sinful but they don't matter, not in the grand scheme of things." He lets his head thunk back onto the bed and thinks for a moment until a devious smile grows on his face and he sits up, tugging Steve's hand until he does too. Bucky places his hand, his flesh and blood hand on Steve's cheek and leans in. It's not great for a first kiss but it's wonderful all the same, it's been a long time since Bucky kissed anyone and he nearly forgot how. Nearly. It's just a touch of lips until it isn't, Steve's tongue finds his bottom lip and he lets it in, the sensation is almost overwhelming but it's amazing and beautiful and they've waited too long for it. After a few minutes they break apart because even super soldiers need to breathe and they touch foreheads, Steve kisses his nose and he smiles. "I think we've waited too long to do that." He feels Steve huff a laugh. "Yea well, we're gonna be doin that for the rest of our lives huh jerk?" Now it's his turn to huff a laugh. "Course we are, Punk." They kiss again and Bucky thinks that this was all worth the wait. Life will never be perfect for either of them, not by a long shot because there's still bad guys trying to kill them every day but if they survive they get to come home and be happy and maybe one day they'll leave this life behind and live their days out in a little house with pets and maybe kids, who knows but the point is it was time for them to get their heads out of their asses.


End file.
